What Women Ask about Sex

By Melanie Davis, PhD, CSE

One of my favorite activities as an educator is to host “Ask the Expert” sessions. During these programs, I collect questions that adults have written anonymously on index cards. I’d like to share some of the questions I was asked at a recent event attended by adult women.

  • We tried a few things a couple of weeks ago that made my back and neck hurt. I feel bad for my husband. Can you help?
  • Can herpes be spread when sores aren’t present?
  • Can using a vibrator a few times a week numb or kill the sensitivity in the clitoris?
  • Can men have an orgasm and not ejaculate?
  • Does ejaculation occur through the anus for men and women after orgasm?
  • Is it recommended to use librication at any age to avoid damage to the vaginal walls?
  • I’m in my mid-40’s and date older men. Why do I notice their testicles sagging lower and lower as they age?
  • If your period started early, will menopause start early? Does it matter?
  • What’s the risk if you have anal sex followed by vaginal intercourse?
  • What’s the name for when a woman wears a strap-on penis and penetrates a male partner?
  • If you feel uninterested in sex but don’t want to use arousal gels or toys to get in the mood, what can you do to feel sexual?
  • Is it normal for a vulva to get darker as time goes by?
  • What if you have a guy who doesn’t want you to use sex toys because he’s insecure?
  • What causes men to lose sexual desire, other than hormonal changes?
  • Can I learn how to ejaculate?
  • Sometimes my partner loses his erection during sex. Why?
  • Two older partners have need it to grip my muscles tighter to hold them inside me. Is this caused by age?
  • How can I prevent a huge penis from hurting my insides?
  • How long can a guy wear a penis ring before it affects his desire?

As you can see, women are most curious about topics that affect them personally, and yet I have answered them in some form when speaking to other audiences. In other words, it’s normal to have questions about even the most basic topics.  I will answer these questions in separate posts, and you’re welcome to submit your own questions. Or, you can visit me or our sex therapist or physician for assessment and in-depth consultation.